Archive for November, 2008

BlakChek #14, Hiking:  Depends 

gallery_06-0521After hanging out with your white friends for some time you’ll begin to understand their fondness of nature.  Some love to hunt, some enjoy wildlife photography, while some only eat free-range chicken.  All of these which have one common theme, nature or love thereof.  Perhaps one of the favorite nature-connecting activities that white people enjoy is the hike.  This “hike” can come in many forms but usually involves some form of trail and at times elevation.  Hiking is not to bad a activity when you know the facts, and that’s what we are here for.  I mean it’s a good work out, it gets you out of the house for a while, and it gives you a chance to reconnect with nature if you feel so inclined.

Now when you go hiking, you’ll need some basic equipment.  Comfortable shoes, a backpack for snacks and water, and maybe a first aid kit.  Don’t wear your old Timberland Boots; you will feel like a fool after you hike about a mile or so as your feet start to cramp up.  Instead opt for some running shoes or tennis shoes, your white friends who hike regularly will probably have some shoes like the pair pictured below.  Who are we kidding, even white people who have never hiked a day in their life have shoes like this, I think it’s the earthy look.  They are not necessary but if you want to look official go ahead and get some.hiking-shoes-sn-0704

Me and my wife did a few hikes together and felt pretty good about ourselves.  These hikes were about 2-3 miles in length and were pretty tame.  Looking for a new trail we made the mistake of asking one of our white friends.  He told us of a trail that was not “that bad” going on to say that it had a few “rock scrambles.”  Rock scrambles I thought to myself, that doesn’t sound to bad but my wife who had lost faith in white people’s advice(see white water rafting) decided to do some further research on the hike.  The website we went to pretty much echoed what our friend said, saying that the hike was not to bad so we felt comforted.  The next Saturday we hit the trail, and immediately began to discover that our white friends had duped us again.  Our first indication came when the ranger told us that the trail was 9 miles long, and the second indication came when they told us to beware of “aggressive bears.”  Son of a … how do we get ourselves into these situations.  We thought about leaving but decided to take on the challenge.

The first 3 miles or so was a standard up hill hike through the treeline but then we hit the infamous rock scramble.  What I had envisioned of a rock scramble and what we encountered was worlds apart.  A rock scramble is actually huge boulders, crevices, etc. that you have to navigate through.  As we entered the 2 mile of scrambles we were greeted by a woman being carried out who had apparently twisted her ankle.  Again I thought, that Son of a …  but we pressed forward.  No exaggeration, there was some spots through this scramble where I was literally scared as he!!.  Luckily it was a crowded day on the mountain and we were able to get help in some areas by other hikers.   At the top of the mountain we saw another black guy who said word for word, “What are yall doing up here, I thought I was the only black person up here?”  That was a great question that I am still trying to find a answer for.  After finally getting out of the scramble we made our way down through the bear infested forest and safely home.

So if you are considering hiking, start off easy, build up some endurance, and avoid any trails with a rock scramble of any form.   BlakChek cautiously approves Hiking.


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BlakChek #13, Halloween Party:  Sure  smurf-halloween-costume

Ok, I know I have said white people like a lot of things, but white people really love Halloween!  While the majority of black people move on from their fond childhood memories of dressing up as ghouls, gobblins, super heroes, and princesses, white people stay committed to the Halloween tradition.  If you hang out or know any white people you will, without a doubt, be invited to a Halloween party. 

This year was no exception for me.  I received Halloween invites, request, etc from no less 50% of my white comrades.  Now in the past I have tried to ignore the majority of these request but due to my dedication for this site, I took one of my friends up on his offer.  The invite was the of the typical white variety of course mentioning some connotation of libations(alcohol).  In fact here it is, “My roommates & I are throwing another Halloween party. Be there. Be dressed! I’ll provide some of the basic party vittles, but I’d appreciate if people brought either food or drink to contribute!  It’s going to be ridiculous, and we’ll have live music – his band 10 Grey Tuesdays will play a set around 10 or 11 pm.”  Side-note:: What is the percentage of white males that are in “bands” of some type, 80 maybe 90%.  We’ll save that discussion for another post.

I began the night before the party handing out Halloween candy to the little ones and was promptly greeted by one little white kid who was like “Hey, you look like (Insert Football Player Name Here)!”  After snatching the bastard child’s bag I replied “Are you sure that’s your father, because you look a lot like the mailman?”  So then after the cops left… I was on my way to the party.  My costume was basic, I had a baseball cap, a baseball jersey, I’ll go as a baseball player.  Yes, I realize the irony, but that kid still deserved to get cursed out.

Arriving at the party I quickly realized that the Halloween party was similar to many other white party’s I had attended except for the fact that people were wearing costumes.  Bearpong was still played, their was a live band which was a stretch, and all in all just a lot of drinking and conversing.  I remember having a hour long argument about the differences between lamb, sheep, and goats?  In another conversation we discussed the evolution of man, and tried to understand the purpose of nipples on men.  Did we once have the ability to breast feed?  These are deep issues that must be discussed and white party’s often offer tremendous venues for doing such. 

All in all the party was harmless and I survived unscathed for the most part.  BlakChek approves of going to a Halloween Party with your white friends.

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